[ His voice catches. The story stirs something in Bucky, like a pit in his stomach that threatens to claw its way out through his rib cage. He can't imagine killing a teammate like that. He knows he could never have shot Steve or any of the other Howlies. He can't even really think about it. He would have done anything to get them bac safely, but he never could have killed them. Not unless he'd expected them to go through what he had after he'd fallen from the train. That, he might have been able to push himself to spare them from.
He breaks eye contact before he keeps talking. It's too much to maintain it when it feels like he's ripping off a barely-formed scab. ]
I was forced to assassinate someone I'd been friends with. It wasn't--It was political and I had no choice.
[ He'd attacked Steve, too, with all the intent of taking him out, but Steve had fought him off and walked away. Howard and his wife hadn't had a fighting chance. ]
His son found out, so I'm pretty fucked if he wakes up here.
[ Because Tony Stark will try to kill him. It's something Bucky's sure of because it's the last thing he remembers before he woke up. Tony Stark coming at him with clear intent to kill. As much as Bucky hates what he's become and what he's done, he doesn't want to die. He can't say he never has dark or troubled thoughts, but Brock is right. He'll keep surviving it. It's just that he might torture himself with it, too. ]
It wasn't my choice, but I still did it, you know? I was the last thing he saw.
no subject
[ His voice catches. The story stirs something in Bucky, like a pit in his stomach that threatens to claw its way out through his rib cage. He can't imagine killing a teammate like that. He knows he could never have shot Steve or any of the other Howlies. He can't even really think about it. He would have done anything to get them bac safely, but he never could have killed them. Not unless he'd expected them to go through what he had after he'd fallen from the train. That, he might have been able to push himself to spare them from.
He breaks eye contact before he keeps talking. It's too much to maintain it when it feels like he's ripping off a barely-formed scab. ]
I was forced to assassinate someone I'd been friends with. It wasn't--It was political and I had no choice.
[ He'd attacked Steve, too, with all the intent of taking him out, but Steve had fought him off and walked away. Howard and his wife hadn't had a fighting chance. ]
His son found out, so I'm pretty fucked if he wakes up here.
[ Because Tony Stark will try to kill him. It's something Bucky's sure of because it's the last thing he remembers before he woke up. Tony Stark coming at him with clear intent to kill. As much as Bucky hates what he's become and what he's done, he doesn't want to die. He can't say he never has dark or troubled thoughts, but Brock is right. He'll keep surviving it. It's just that he might torture himself with it, too. ]
It wasn't my choice, but I still did it, you know? I was the last thing he saw.