[the revelation is met with surprise, at first. at the idea of bucky actually wanting to fool around with his doppelganger in the first place. but, he supposes, it also makes sense in a way. that out of all the people in this city, he'd end with the one person who likely knows his likes and dislikes the best. it may not negate the strangeness of it all, but who is he to judge? after all, he did seek out the other bucky because of those very similarities.
he knows it's only a matter of time though. knows that bucky's curiosity will likely get the better of him. so rather than respond, he waits it out. and his patience is rewarded when the question comes. though it's not necessarily one he has an answer to.]
Because you were the one person I needed to talk to that night, but I don't think I was ready to face you right away.
[which is a feeling he still isn't happy about. that he was actually worried that he'd be able to ruin things between them by acting like a jerk. the two of them have been through far too much together for a single conversation to have damaged it all permanently. he knows that now. but at the time, it'd been a risk he wasn't willing to take.]
[ It hadn't really escaped Bucky's notice, either, that nothing had happened between him and Steve until he'd looked like the old Bucky, but he's not sure he's even prepared for an answer on that. It's an old wound at this point: the fear of disappointing Steve is almost as bad as the fear of hurting him. Bucky's not sure he can take the answer, so he doesn't ask. ]
I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to anyone else, but you can always talk to me. Even if I'm busy or you think it's going to hurt me, you can talk to me. No one else is more important than you.
[ He shifts again until he can kiss Steve's cheek. It's the sort of affection he'd left behind in childhood, but it seems fitting now with Steve here in his bed. He can't think of anyone else he'd rather be next to, whether it's sex-related or not.
He yawns as he settles back in with Steve in his arms. ]
I always miss you when you're not around to give me a headache.
[it feels almost natural to him, to reach up to bucky's face, his touch gentle as he brushes his hair back and smiles. there's an undeniable level of comfort that comes from being able to touch the other man freely. to actually have him back again after all the time they've spent apart.]
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen.
[which would be a whole lot easier to do if he could combat his natural reaction to the issues that've come up in this city. namely--]
Hey, Buck? I need you to promise me something. [his expression turns serious, despite knowing that both of them should really be going to sleep right now. but it's something he has to say. an agreement he needs before he can finally settle in for the night the way he wants to.]
If I try to run again, I need you to come knock some sense in to me. You're the last person I should be hiding from.
[ Bucky opens his eyes again when he feels Steve touching his hair and really looks at Steve. ]
Yeah I am and the only way you're gonna hurt me is if you keep running.
[ Which is easily the most hypocritical thing that's ever come out of Bucky's mouth, but he never said he was a good fucking person. He ran even after he remembered Steve and sure, part of why he did it was to protect Steve. Of course, the other part was his own fears getting the better of him. ]
You've got to promise to come find me, too, okay? If I'm being an idiot, you come drag me home.
[ Because home is where Steve is. He doesn't care about Brooklyn or Bucharest or El Nysa. He cares about Steve Rogers.
He leans in the rest of the way, presses his lips to Steve's in what has to be most chaste kiss a grown man can give someone--just a quick, dry press of lips--and then settles back on the pillow. ]
[it's an agreement, on both parts. however difficult the situation may be, however uncomfortable things may get, he's not going anywhere. not with the knowledge that he hurts bucky that way being laid out so plainly between them. he'll happily face his own discomfort if it means protecting bucky from that.
We'll put it in that stupid contract if we have to. But you and me? We're gonna beat this place together.
[because it's a shared sentiment. home really is wherever bucky is. and right now, it's these four walls. it's being cocooned up against the other man, covers wrapped around them, hiding them away from the outside world. it's that press of lips, and that all too familiar warmth against his front. having bucky back, steve feels like himself again. feels whole in a way that he'd thought he'd lost the moment that bucky had fallen.
he really has no idea how he survived that week without bucky there by his side.]
[ Bucky just hums in agreement and finds a few gentle points of contact as he he closes his eyes. He's not sure there's anyone else he could trust to have a contract with and though he's normally more comfortable being the one caring for others, he honestly trusts Steve to take care of him sometimes, too.
It's a vulnerability he tries to hide, but he thinks he doesn't always do the best job of it. At least with Steve, he knows no one is taking advantage of the haunted look he can't quite keep out of his eyes. Whatever happens out there, he wants to come home to this for as long as he's allowed.
He starts to drift off thinking about how nice it is to have Steve here with him and how lucky he is to find him again and again. ]
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no subject
he knows it's only a matter of time though. knows that bucky's curiosity will likely get the better of him. so rather than respond, he waits it out. and his patience is rewarded when the question comes. though it's not necessarily one he has an answer to.]
Because you were the one person I needed to talk to that night, but I don't think I was ready to face you right away.
[which is a feeling he still isn't happy about. that he was actually worried that he'd be able to ruin things between them by acting like a jerk. the two of them have been through far too much together for a single conversation to have damaged it all permanently. he knows that now. but at the time, it'd been a risk he wasn't willing to take.]
The rest of it just sort of...happened.
no subject
I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to anyone else, but you can always talk to me. Even if I'm busy or you think it's going to hurt me, you can talk to me. No one else is more important than you.
[ He shifts again until he can kiss Steve's cheek. It's the sort of affection he'd left behind in childhood, but it seems fitting now with Steve here in his bed. He can't think of anyone else he'd rather be next to, whether it's sex-related or not.
He yawns as he settles back in with Steve in his arms. ]
I always miss you when you're not around to give me a headache.
no subject
[it feels almost natural to him, to reach up to bucky's face, his touch gentle as he brushes his hair back and smiles. there's an undeniable level of comfort that comes from being able to touch the other man freely. to actually have him back again after all the time they've spent apart.]
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen.
[which would be a whole lot easier to do if he could combat his natural reaction to the issues that've come up in this city. namely--]
Hey, Buck? I need you to promise me something. [his expression turns serious, despite knowing that both of them should really be going to sleep right now. but it's something he has to say. an agreement he needs before he can finally settle in for the night the way he wants to.]
If I try to run again, I need you to come knock some sense in to me. You're the last person I should be hiding from.
no subject
Yeah I am and the only way you're gonna hurt me is if you keep running.
[ Which is easily the most hypocritical thing that's ever come out of Bucky's mouth, but he never said he was a good fucking person. He ran even after he remembered Steve and sure, part of why he did it was to protect Steve. Of course, the other part was his own fears getting the better of him. ]
You've got to promise to come find me, too, okay? If I'm being an idiot, you come drag me home.
[ Because home is where Steve is. He doesn't care about Brooklyn or Bucharest or El Nysa. He cares about Steve Rogers.
He leans in the rest of the way, presses his lips to Steve's in what has to be most chaste kiss a grown man can give someone--just a quick, dry press of lips--and then settles back on the pillow. ]
no subject
[it's an agreement, on both parts. however difficult the situation may be, however uncomfortable things may get, he's not going anywhere. not with the knowledge that he hurts bucky that way being laid out so plainly between them. he'll happily face his own discomfort if it means protecting bucky from that.
We'll put it in that stupid contract if we have to. But you and me? We're gonna beat this place together.
[because it's a shared sentiment. home really is wherever bucky is. and right now, it's these four walls. it's being cocooned up against the other man, covers wrapped around them, hiding them away from the outside world. it's that press of lips, and that all too familiar warmth against his front. having bucky back, steve feels like himself again. feels whole in a way that he'd thought he'd lost the moment that bucky had fallen.
he really has no idea how he survived that week without bucky there by his side.]
You and me, Buck. No matter what.
no subject
It's a vulnerability he tries to hide, but he thinks he doesn't always do the best job of it. At least with Steve, he knows no one is taking advantage of the haunted look he can't quite keep out of his eyes. Whatever happens out there, he wants to come home to this for as long as he's allowed.
He starts to drift off thinking about how nice it is to have Steve here with him and how lucky he is to find him again and again. ]