IC Inbox/Overflow - El Nysa

[lednikovyy]

@barnes

Comments

[deadthenred]

You're still sober in the end either way

[lednikovyy]

hangover's a fun distraction

[deadthenred]

Like this argument?

Concussions aren't so fun

[lednikovyy]

fine what do you suggest, then?

[deadthenred]

I don't know, you can't get drunk

[lednikovyy]

great thanks. good talk.

[deadthenred]

I didn't know this was a talk

[ A good minute later: ]

Do you want to talk?

[lednikovyy]

no

[ Talking about his feelings is about the last thing Bucky ever wants in most situations. ]

yes

[ And then five minutes later: ]

no

[deadthenred]

OK

I wasn't talking about my concussions, earlier.

[lednikovyy]

you wanna knock me out, be my guest.

[deadthenred]

[ Bucky is 100% sure that he could. ]

After Steve died I went to a lot of bars.

[ A different one, every time, so that his face would never get too familiar. He started feeling familiar anyway. ]

I wouldn't say I'm a violent drunk, just a violent person

[ Maybe the Other Bucky isn't like that. He wouldn't bet on it, though— it's such an intrinsic part of who he is. The war, and everything that came after. Anyway, he's pretty sure that drunkenness and super strength and anger and loss aren't a good combination. ]

[lednikovyy]

[ Bucky doesn't like fighting, but that doesn't mean he doesn't finish a fight once he's in it. As much of a sadsack as he can be at times, even at his lowest he'd kept fighting to stay alive. Still, he's buried a lot of his anger, turned it more inward on himself than out at anyone else and it's hard to keep a low profile if you're starting fights.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't discovered his absurd tolerance the hard way, though, holed up in a flophouse with a bottle of cheap vodka that left him feeling nothing but a little heavy-limbed at the end. ]

sorry. didn't know your Steve had died.

[deadthenred]

I forgot you didn't know

[ It was something everyone knew, back home. It had been in all the papers, all the channels. There was that weird familiarity, that sometimes made it easy to forget all the differences, until they came out sticking at you, like icicles in the water. ]

He got better.

[lednikovyy]

good. don't think I would've reacted any better. he's asleep in a tube and I'm already thinking about drinking grain alcohol just to see if it'll fix it.

[deadthenred]

No such luck.

[ He is not good at cheer up talks. Or… most kinds of talks. And of course, his own Steve has always been in a tube. ]

[lednikovyy]

with Steve turning into sleeping beauty, I might need to ask you and Romanoff for an awkward favor.

[deadthenred]

What?

[lednikovyy]

hydra programming's still in my head and there's not a lot of people who could stop me if it kicks up again. last guy who was on watch is back in cryo and now Steve is, too.

[deadthenred]

HYDRA isn't here.

[ He's trying to be comforting. He's not good at it. ]

I can't speak for Natalia but I think she'll understand

[ He does. ]

[lednikovyy]

you don't know that. can't just be good guys in all those fucking tubes. I need someone willing and able to stop me.

[ He doesn't know what it says about him that this is actually an easier topic than Steve being in cryo, but it's not as if he doesn't know what a truly huge mess of a person he is and he's talking to the one guy who seems to really get some of that. After all the comparing of notes they've done, Bucky's pretty sure they only have the shitty things in common, anyway. ]

[deadthenred]

I don't think it's only good guys.

[ He's awake, isn't he? ]

It's not going to happen

[ The power of positive thinking, or something. It's what people always said to him, anyway, when he had the same fear. It never made him feel any better. ]

But you don't need to ask.

[lednikovyy]

thanks. figure there's got to be a way to get this stuff out of my head, but until I do, I need something in place.

[ He needs it to feel safe existing in the world, to feel like him being around other people isn't just a giant risk to all of them. Being a risk to Steve is bad enough, but Steve can handle himself pretty well all things considered. It's more about everyone else he's let into his life that he worries about. ]

[deadthenred]

You ever think about asking the Natha?

[ Not that they're really there right now. ]

[lednikovyy]

yeah before they left and long story short I don't trust them worth a damn and I've got no proof it's gone unless someone tries to activate it. they don't have the highest track record when it comes to accountability or doing shit right. assuming it's still there is safer for everyone.

[deadthenred]

You ever going to believe it's gone?

[ Does Bucky really believe he's free of them? ]

That's a hell of a way to live