( Peter contemplates standing on ceremony and really tidying himself up for the visit, but ... this is drinking with Bucky and attempting to take his mind off've how horrible the last few weeks have been, not a semi-formal dinner with a handful of Avengers. He combs his hair and switches from pyjama to outdoor t-shirt move, but aside from that?
Sorry, Bucky. They're friends now, and friends are there for each other even when they look kind of rumpled and like they haven't slept properly for a good long while! He ends up knocking on the Barnes-Rogers door less than half an hour later, his trusty backpack on his back, his hoodie pulled down over his hands, and his arms crossed in a way that suggests a subconscious attempt to keep people at a distance.
... Yeah, he really hasn't been doing too well, but he's trying to push through it for the sake of his friends. Peter likes Bucky, and— he's missed him. He wants to be here, no matter how tired and miserable he looks. )
[ Bucky's pretty casual himself when he opens the door, loose jeans and bare feet and T-shirt that looks just a little too big on him, like maybe someone else stretched it out. He looks worn out, too, but he gives Peter a sad sort of smile when he sees him. ]
Hey. C'mere.
[ He reaches out for Peter with his right arm and pulls him into a loose one-armed hug. It's been pretty rough lately and he thinks he's gotten off easy, even if there's a painful twinge building in his left shoulder now. Pain, he can deal with. Others seem to have it a lot worse and Bucky's not one to dwell on self-pity, at least not outwardly. He tries to keep that stuff inside where he figures it belongs.
For himself, anyway, because he doesn't mind supporting the people he cares about, but he hates worrying them. ]
( Peter is— alright, maybe he isn't surprised by the hug, but he stands kind of stiffly in Bucky's embrace for a moment before letting himself melt into it properly. He's always been a warm, tactile sort of person (for which he's sure he has May to blame), but with Duplicity being ... well, Duplicity, Peter's become all the more aware of the ways in which he interacts with other people. At first, there was the overthinking, but now he's settled into a kind of careful acceptance of how it is, and he figures Bucky won't take it the wrong way if he slips his arms around him and gives him a squeeze right back.
Hugs are kind of a big deal for Peter, okay? He likes them a lot. )
Hey, Bucky.
( A deep sigh is heaved into the other man's shoulder as Peter just stands there for a moment, relieved and safe and just— so glad to be around someone who might not ask him too many questions about his well-being. Bucky has a knack for caring without coming across as overbearing, which is precisely what Peter needs right now.
When he pulls back, he offers a little half-smile as he drags a hand through his hair. )
I just wanna apologise again, for being a jerk.
( He fiddles with the strap of his backpack. )
It wasn't fair, so— I'm sorry. Thanks for still inviting me over anyway.
[ Bucky used to be pretty tactile, himself. It's something that's been coming back to him more and more as he's worked on figuring himself out again. Slowly, he's becoming Bucky Barnes again and not a shell who pretends and it's a nice realization. Between good days and bad, he has people he trusts now.
Trusting Peter had been easy, too, He'd been looking out for Steve and unlike Wilson, Peter isn't annoying as hell. ]
Stop apologizing. It's okay.
[ He gestures towards the couch in the living room. ]
Sit down. I'll get us beers and you can tell me what's on your mind. Or I can make up embarrassing stories about Steve. Your choice.
( Peter snorts softly at his options and does as he's told, settling in on the couch as Bucky moves through to get them their beers. It's kind of weird to be around a proper adult who doesn't seem to mind him drinking at all— but then again he's almost eighteen, which is almost twenty-one, and he's already been through far worse than a hangover.
... If he can even get drunk, that is. Maybe now's the time to find out? )
I might end up being kind of a downer if we talk about what's on my mind.
( But he trusts Bucky, and ... he's different to Tony, less paternal. Different to Gwen, less emotionally involved. Different to all the people who treat him the same as any other seventeen-year-old despite the fact that he has superpowers, travelled through space, fought Thanos, died, and was ultimately resurrected for a second chance. )
[ Bucky's not even thinking about Peter's age. The drinking age had been 18 after prohibition and Bucky had been drinking a little at Peter's age, anyway, so he doesn't see much of an issue in giving the guy a beer or two.
He pops the caps off of two bottles and come back to the couch to hand Peter one. ]
I don't mind a downer.
[ Taking a sip of his own beer, he settles on the couch next to Peter. ]
You're dealing with a lot, but you don't have to deal with it all by yourself.
[ He's never been someone who can just leave people suffering and walk by. Maybe he doesn't quite have Steve's fighting spirit, but he's still got a similar heart where it counts. He likes to take care of people and help them. After causing so much pain as the Winter Soldier, the urge to help is that much stronger. ]
( That's pretty much exactly what Steve said, actually, but he decides to keep that to himself for the time being as he swallows a mouthful of his beer. He's learning that he actually kind of likes the taste: it had seemed weird in the beginning, just like fizzy, savory water, but what with his hyper-sensitivity he's beginning to understand how the flavours all blend into—
Okay, Peter. It's just a beer. )
I guess I'm just not used to talking about stuff? Everything's always had to be a secret, so. I've always been by myself. The only person I could've talked to was Mr. Stark, and he didn't really ...
( He cuts himself off. Their relationship is good now — really good — and he doesn't want to come across as ungrateful or resentful in any way. )
He wasn't available after Berlin. Not until kind of recently, actually.
( And yes, being coaxed into a superhero civil war and then promptly brushed off did a number on him. Yes, they've both been working hard to repair that. )
( Peter sips at his beer again, buying himself a few more seconds of time as he mulls over what Bucky just said. Peter's introduction to the guy hadn't been great — the Winter Soldier, the stuff with Steve, that had all been an intensely wild ride — but now that he's getting to know him personally? Peter can see that Bucky is ...
Wise. Patient. He's never once made Peter feel judged, no matter what he's done or said around him. )
I dunno what I'd do by myself for two years.
( He glances over at him with a slightly knit brow, concern sitting warm behind his eyes even though Bucky's talking about the past. It's not unusual with this one: Peter feels deeply, and he always wants to be able to do something to help. )
... But it's lonely sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I just want someone to tell me I made the right call, or that it's all gonna be okay, or even just— I dunno, even to just laugh at me when I mess up a landing.
( He swirls the contents of his bottle, pensive. )
Sometimes trying to be two different people makes me feel a bit crazy.
( Luckily, Bucky's one of the few people with whom he can be Spider-Man as well as Peter Parker. )
I spent a lot of time reading about everything I'd missed and trying to remember who I was. Maybe a little low-key long distance stalking, too.
[ There's humor to his words, but it's not really a joke. He spent a lot of time trying to figure out who Bucky had been and whether he could really be that man. As the memories had started to come back in bits and pieces, he'd journaled and read about Steve, even watched him fight robots on the news. It had been lonely. He couldn't do it again now that he's got people in his life again. ]
But you know you're not two different people, right? Spider-man's a mask, same as Captain America. You're not a different guy when you take it off.
And I know we're a bunch of old men, you've got me and Steve and Tony. Well, Steve might not laugh at you, but I will.
( That's ... could be worth worth thinking about. So far Peter's been trying to compartmentalise by keeping Spider-Man as separate from Peter Parker as possible, but it might be time for him to try a slightly different approach. Juggling the two is hard, especially when the lines between Spider-Man and Peter end up blurring, and more than anything? It's tiring. Maybe uniting the two would help him figure out who it is he wants to be. )
You're not that old.
( Is all he says, the beginnings of a grin pricking at his lips. )
I mean, you are, but. You're also not? I don't see you guys like that, anyway.
( Peter shrugs. He appreciates Bucky's humour, and appreciates knowing he'll be around to poke fun at him if he needs it. Have a friendly elbow dig: )
Good. Can't have everyone being too nice to me, right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I think he's okay, but Steve could be dying and he'd pretend he was fine. I'm keeping an eye on him.
no subject
That kind of joke really isn't cool right now
Tony lost his hearing, Gwen's lost - her super senses
I was obviously gonna take you seriously
So just
Get funnier
I'm glad you're both okay
Or that Steve's lying about being okay and has you to make sure he really is
no subject
[ And he really doesn't want to admit what he is missing now or how that might affect him going forward. ]
I have the apartment to myself if you want to swing by for a drink. sounds like you could use it.
no subject
I didn't mean to get snappy
It's just
Yeah, maybe I do need to just
Get out of my head for a while?
no subject
come over. I have beer and I could use the company, too.
text — action.
Okay
Be there soon
( Peter contemplates standing on ceremony and really tidying himself up for the visit, but ... this is drinking with Bucky and attempting to take his mind off've how horrible the last few weeks have been, not a semi-formal dinner with a handful of Avengers. He combs his hair and switches from pyjama to outdoor t-shirt move, but aside from that?
Sorry, Bucky. They're friends now, and friends are there for each other even when they look kind of rumpled and like they haven't slept properly for a good long while! He ends up knocking on the Barnes-Rogers door less than half an hour later, his trusty backpack on his back, his hoodie pulled down over his hands, and his arms crossed in a way that suggests a subconscious attempt to keep people at a distance.
... Yeah, he really hasn't been doing too well, but he's trying to push through it for the sake of his friends. Peter likes Bucky, and— he's missed him. He wants to be here, no matter how tired and miserable he looks. )
action.
Hey. C'mere.
[ He reaches out for Peter with his right arm and pulls him into a loose one-armed hug. It's been pretty rough lately and he thinks he's gotten off easy, even if there's a painful twinge building in his left shoulder now. Pain, he can deal with. Others seem to have it a lot worse and Bucky's not one to dwell on self-pity, at least not outwardly. He tries to keep that stuff inside where he figures it belongs.
For himself, anyway, because he doesn't mind supporting the people he cares about, but he hates worrying them. ]
no subject
( Peter is— alright, maybe he isn't surprised by the hug, but he stands kind of stiffly in Bucky's embrace for a moment before letting himself melt into it properly. He's always been a warm, tactile sort of person (for which he's sure he has May to blame), but with Duplicity being ... well, Duplicity, Peter's become all the more aware of the ways in which he interacts with other people. At first, there was the overthinking, but now he's settled into a kind of careful acceptance of how it is, and he figures Bucky won't take it the wrong way if he slips his arms around him and gives him a squeeze right back.
Hugs are kind of a big deal for Peter, okay? He likes them a lot. )
Hey, Bucky.
( A deep sigh is heaved into the other man's shoulder as Peter just stands there for a moment, relieved and safe and just— so glad to be around someone who might not ask him too many questions about his well-being. Bucky has a knack for caring without coming across as overbearing, which is precisely what Peter needs right now.
When he pulls back, he offers a little half-smile as he drags a hand through his hair. )
I just wanna apologise again, for being a jerk.
( He fiddles with the strap of his backpack. )
It wasn't fair, so— I'm sorry. Thanks for still inviting me over anyway.
no subject
Trusting Peter had been easy, too, He'd been looking out for Steve and unlike Wilson, Peter isn't annoying as hell. ]
Stop apologizing. It's okay.
[ He gestures towards the couch in the living room. ]
Sit down. I'll get us beers and you can tell me what's on your mind. Or I can make up embarrassing stories about Steve. Your choice.
no subject
( Peter snorts softly at his options and does as he's told, settling in on the couch as Bucky moves through to get them their beers. It's kind of weird to be around a proper adult who doesn't seem to mind him drinking at all— but then again he's almost eighteen, which is almost twenty-one, and he's already been through far worse than a hangover.
... If he can even get drunk, that is. Maybe now's the time to find out? )
I might end up being kind of a downer if we talk about what's on my mind.
( But he trusts Bucky, and ... he's different to Tony, less paternal. Different to Gwen, less emotionally involved. Different to all the people who treat him the same as any other seventeen-year-old despite the fact that he has superpowers, travelled through space, fought Thanos, died, and was ultimately resurrected for a second chance. )
It's just ... it's been really stressful, y'know?
( He wrinkles his nose. )
Which is kind of an understatement, but. Yeah.
no subject
He pops the caps off of two bottles and come back to the couch to hand Peter one. ]
I don't mind a downer.
[ Taking a sip of his own beer, he settles on the couch next to Peter. ]
You're dealing with a lot, but you don't have to deal with it all by yourself.
[ He's never been someone who can just leave people suffering and walk by. Maybe he doesn't quite have Steve's fighting spirit, but he's still got a similar heart where it counts. He likes to take care of people and help them. After causing so much pain as the Winter Soldier, the urge to help is that much stronger. ]
no subject
... I know.
( That's pretty much exactly what Steve said, actually, but he decides to keep that to himself for the time being as he swallows a mouthful of his beer. He's learning that he actually kind of likes the taste: it had seemed weird in the beginning, just like fizzy, savory water, but what with his hyper-sensitivity he's beginning to understand how the flavours all blend into—
Okay, Peter. It's just a beer. )
I guess I'm just not used to talking about stuff? Everything's always had to be a secret, so. I've always been by myself. The only person I could've talked to was Mr. Stark, and he didn't really ...
( He cuts himself off. Their relationship is good now — really good — and he doesn't want to come across as ungrateful or resentful in any way. )
He wasn't available after Berlin. Not until kind of recently, actually.
( And yes, being coaxed into a superhero civil war and then promptly brushed off did a number on him. Yes, they've both been working hard to repair that. )
no subject
After I got away from HYDRA, I was on the run by myself for almost two years before Steve caught up with me. It was lonely.
[ So he gets it. Dealing with a lot by yourself is hard. He doesn't want to leave anyone to something like that. ]
You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about, though. Sometimes you just need to sit with someone. That's okay, too.
no subject
( Peter sips at his beer again, buying himself a few more seconds of time as he mulls over what Bucky just said. Peter's introduction to the guy hadn't been great — the Winter Soldier, the stuff with Steve, that had all been an intensely wild ride — but now that he's getting to know him personally? Peter can see that Bucky is ...
Wise. Patient. He's never once made Peter feel judged, no matter what he's done or said around him. )
I dunno what I'd do by myself for two years.
( He glances over at him with a slightly knit brow, concern sitting warm behind his eyes even though Bucky's talking about the past. It's not unusual with this one: Peter feels deeply, and he always wants to be able to do something to help. )
... But it's lonely sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I just want someone to tell me I made the right call, or that it's all gonna be okay, or even just— I dunno, even to just laugh at me when I mess up a landing.
( He swirls the contents of his bottle, pensive. )
Sometimes trying to be two different people makes me feel a bit crazy.
( Luckily, Bucky's one of the few people with whom he can be Spider-Man as well as Peter Parker. )
no subject
[ There's humor to his words, but it's not really a joke. He spent a lot of time trying to figure out who Bucky had been and whether he could really be that man. As the memories had started to come back in bits and pieces, he'd journaled and read about Steve, even watched him fight robots on the news. It had been lonely. He couldn't do it again now that he's got people in his life again. ]
But you know you're not two different people, right? Spider-man's a mask, same as Captain America. You're not a different guy when you take it off.
And I know we're a bunch of old men, you've got me and Steve and Tony. Well, Steve might not laugh at you, but I will.
no subject
( That's ... could be worth worth thinking about. So far Peter's been trying to compartmentalise by keeping Spider-Man as separate from Peter Parker as possible, but it might be time for him to try a slightly different approach. Juggling the two is hard, especially when the lines between Spider-Man and Peter end up blurring, and more than anything? It's tiring. Maybe uniting the two would help him figure out who it is he wants to be. )
You're not that old.
( Is all he says, the beginnings of a grin pricking at his lips. )
I mean, you are, but. You're also not? I don't see you guys like that, anyway.
( Peter shrugs. He appreciates Bucky's humour, and appreciates knowing he'll be around to poke fun at him if he needs it. Have a friendly elbow dig: )
Good. Can't have everyone being too nice to me, right?